Two more drafts; none of which I attended.

Work forced me to have to auto-draft for two other fantasy football leagues. This brings my season total to 3 teams plus 1 Pick 'Em league. Here are the draft results for my two computer-populated teams. I wonder if I might be better off not thinking at all and allowing the wires and hardware do my dirty work for me.

I did a 2nd ESPN league and a Facebook league. Again, both had no money down on it. I would've enjoyed attending the drafts, but in order to maintain my lavish lifestyle of movies and homebrewing, I guess I really needed to be at work instead. On a holiday weekend to boot!

Anyway, here's the skinny on the two newest teams for me to follow obsessively:

ESPN league #2:

Who's Tall? Dave Logan.

Drafted #1 out of 8 teams.

1. Adrian Petersen, RB - MIN

2. Calvin Johnson, WR - DET

3. Tom Brady, QB - NE

4. Thomas Jones, RB - NYJ

5. Dwayne Bowe, WR - KC

6. Darren McFadden, RB - OAK

7. Antonio Gates, TE - SD

8. Matt Schaub, QB - HOU

9. Knowshon Moreno, RB - DEN

10. Cedric Benson, RB - CIN

11. Steelers, D/ST

12. Laveranues Coles, WR - CIN

13. Lance Moore, WR - NO

14. Ted Ginn, WR - MIA

15. Dolphins, D/ST

16. Robbie Gould, K - CHI

And then in my Facebook league, with some highly suspect pre-draft rankings if you ask me. But I went with it. It's just for some good fun anyway...

Brian Sipe's Chin Dimple

Drafted #5 out of 8 teams.
1. Drew Brees, QB - NO
2. Marion Barber, RB - DAL
3. Reggie Wayne, WR - IND
4. Marques Colston, WR - NO
5. Pierre Thomas, RB - NO
6. Antonio Bryant, WR, TB
7. John Carlson, TE - SEA
8. Titans, D/ST
9. Ryan Longwell, K - MIN (all kickers drafted in Round 9????)
10. Darren McFadden, RB - OAK
11. Reggie Bush, RB - NO
12. Donald Brown, RB - IND
13. Steve Breaston, WR - ARI
14. Santana Moss, WR - WAS
15. Kevin Walter, WR - HOU
16. Sammy Morris, RB - NE

We'll see what happens this year....

THIS is what domination looks like.

I weep for the competition. Behold. I submit to you, the mighty Greensboro Biergarteners draft:

Picking 6th out of 10 teams:

1. DeAngelo Williams, RB - CAR

2. Steve Slaton, RB - HOU

3. Philip Rivers, QB - SD

4. Vincent Jackson, WR - SD

5. Dwayne Bowe, WR - KC

6. Felix Jones, RB - DAL

7. Owen Daniels, TE - HOU

8. Titans, D/ST

9. LenDale White, RB - TEN

10. Matt Hasselbeck, QB - SEA

11. Kevin Walter, WR - HOU

12. Steve Breaston, WR - AZ

13. Earnest Graham, RB - TB

14. Jets, D/ST

15. Mason Crosby, K - GB

16. Phil Dawson, K -CLE

Just cut me my winning check now. Greensboro, for the WIN!

I swear, we'll report on Denver soon. Really.

But first, there was a little thing called a "Fantasy Football Draft" that occurred earlier tonight. And of course this takes precedence over all else. Kimberly and Chris are both involved in a 10-team league for mucho dinero. $75 entry fee for each person. $750 in the pot to be divided between division winner, champion, consolation bracket, etc.

The Gordonian teams:

Chris - "Primary Fermentation" (drafted 9th out of 10)
QB Jay Cutler, DEN
QB Vince Young, TEN
RB Steven Jackson, STL
RB Frank Gore, SF
RB Maurice Jones-Drew, JAC
RB Matt Forte, CHI
WR Brandon Marshall, DEN
WR Roy Williams, DET
WR Chris Chambers, SD
WR Santana Moss, WAS
TE Tony Gonzalez, KC
TE Greg Olsen, CHI
PK Rob Bironas, TEN
PK Phil Dawson, CLE
Def Packers, Team Defense, GB
Def Redskins, Team Defense, WAS

Kimberly - "Pierre's and Morton's" (drafted 10th out of 10)
QB David Garrard, JAC
QB Marc Bulger, STL
RB Joseph Addai, IND
RB Fred Taylor, JAC
RB Ronnie Brown, MIA
RB Justin Fargas, OAK
WR Wes Welker, NE
WR TJ Houshmandzadeh, CIN
WR Lee Evans, BUF
WR Vincent Jackson, SD
TE Dallas Clark, IND
TE Todd Heap, BAL
PK Adam Vinatieri, IND
PK Mason Crosby, GB
Def Giants, Team Defense, NYG
Def Buccaneers, Team Defense, TB

The Gordon showdown occurs Week 1 as Kimberly meets Chris in a duel for the ages. However, it's apparently obvious that Kimberly stands no chance for victory. She could state differently; however, she does not post on here so Chris runs the show and makes whatever outrageous claims he desires. Mmmmmwuhahahaha....

1 outta 2

Both versions of the Greensboro Kosars finished their fake football seasons yesterday. The Brews + Blitzes version lost their 2-week first round playoff series 188-158, so good beers will need to be packed up and shipped FROM Greensboro to a far-away locale; no goodies coming in to fill the garage beer fridge with delights from afar. Damn.

However, the Hope Football League version won the consolation bracket Toilet Bowl 67-57 and will recoup the $70 entrance fee. There was modest rejoicing and a quiet smile.

Now all's quiet until baseball season. Well, actually there is still fake sporting hijinks to be followed: the Carolina Slush in "Yahoo Public Hockey League 92219" is in 2nd place.

Toilet Bowl 2007

One of Chris's fantasy football leagues ends this weekend, and the respective final games in the championship and consolation rounds are all set. Banners hang high at headquarters for the Hope Football League version of the Greensboro Kosars: 2004 Division Champs, 2006 Conference Champs, 2006 HFL runner-up. But the 2007 version fell mightily upon hard times. A modest 3-4 start then saw a brutal 5 game losing streak to fall out of the running at 3-9. With just two games to go, four teams in the conference were tied with a paltry 3-7 record, and if the Kosars would have just been the one to get that 4th win, top dollar spoils would have been within reach. I mean come on, the 5-7 Westerville Wolfpack were a wildcard! But 3-9? The worst year yet by far by the Kosars.

Here's the scoop on Championship Weekend:

HFL Championship: Bob Bowl 7
Week 13 - Round 1
The Waterboys (10-2) - Bye
125 Burly Irishmen (7-5) - 102 Zanesvillean ZZZers (8-4)
141 Joeville Juggernauts (8-4) - 122 Westerville Wolfpack (5-7)
Hugh Jardon (10-2) - Bye

Week 14 - Round 2
144 The Waterboys - 121 Burly Irishmen
151 Joeville Juggernauts - 94 Hugh Jardon

Week 15 - Finals
The Waterboys vs. Joeville Juggernauts


And playing for pride and just the chance to break even and recoup the $70 entrance fee, I bring you the venerable....

Toilet Bowl
Week 13 - Round 1
We Sum Head Busta's (7-5) - Bye
98 Greensboro Kosars (3-9) - 75 Caerbannog Rabbits (3-9)
133 Underdawgs (3-9) - 83 Dog Pound408 (2-10)
Cardiac Cats (6-6) - Bye

Week 14 - Round 2
134 Greensboro Kosars - 121 We Sum Head Busta's
146 Cardiac Cats - 116 Underdawgs

Week 15 - Finals
Greensboro Kosars vs. Cardiac Cats

Strangely enough, this Ohio-based fake sports league will have its only two North Carolina teams battle for the Toilet Bowl crown. I know you're all on the edges of your seats over this one, sports fans.

Fake Division Champions!

Behold the logo of the mighty Greensboro Kosars. Chris is in 3 different "football leagues" this year. The Greensboro Kosars represent in the "Brews + Blitzes" ESPN league, and also fraternity brother Bob "Cougar" Hope's "Hope Football League". There is also the Carolina Brown 'n Orange in fraternity brother Dennis "Quaalude" Quinlan's Yahoo Pick 'Em league (third place so far). Sadly, the HFL version of the Kosars ended up a disappointing 3-9 and are playing in the Toilet Bowl playoff bracket, but the Brews + Blitzes version has torn through the league with a Hops Division crown and a pathetic 5-7-1 record. What would be a LAST PLACE ranking in the Barley Divison equates to victory in the Hops. Tee hee hee...I rule.

At any rate, "Brews + Blitzes" follows along with this past summer's "Brews + Baseball" where our fearless blogger won his division. Sadly, Chris lost the "World Series" trophy in the finals. However, there were still consolation winnings to collect. Namely, beer. The stakes of these fantasy sports leagues? Beer. Folks from North Carolina (duh), Maine, Georgia, Ohio, Illinois, and Pennsylvania compete for beer.

The usual starting lineup for the Brews + Blitzes version of the Greensboro Kosars is as follows:

QB - Jon Kitna DET

RB - Brian Westbrook PHI (easily the team MVP)

RB - Willie Parker PIT

RB/WR - Lee Evans BUF (only when RB - Brandon Jacobs NYG isn't hurt...)

WR - Chad Johnson CIN

WR - Plaxico Burress NYG

TE - Kellen Winslow CLE

Def/ST - Steelers

K - Shayne Graham CIN

In this league, beer only goes to the two teams in the finals, so the mighty Kosars must win this upcoming 2-week-long first round playoff matchup against the 9-4 Barley Division wildcard Bourbon County Brawlers (the same owner who Chris lost to in the baseball finals). Here's hoping that the Kosars pull one out and receive free beer.