Toxic brand

Preach about the proper

Boast of your ethics

Proselytize to your brand of being, of doing

I do not fit your mold

Your manifesto bores, it disappoints, it sickens

I do not adhere to your brand of being, of doing

Beat the puppy, it returns wagging

Abuse the dog, it begs forgiveness

A weak mind clings to your brand of being, of doing

The light then shines brightly

Its white hot luminosity brilliantly blinds

I discard your brand of being, of doing

Preach of loss!

Cynicism thrives in your narrow world

A half-empty brand of being, of doing

Loss.  Loss?

You are years too late, I've years ago suffered my loss.

I refuse to subscribe to your brand of being, of doing

A great man long ago instilled pride

An empathetic man long ago instilled love

Until he was poisoned with a virulent brand of being, of doing

A street, a coin, a story: two sided commonality

Remove your irritating cloak of self-appointed righteousness

You alone have slowly woven your own cloth of bitterness, of sadness, of repulsion

....with your particular brand of being, of doing

Mystery elbow

I usually do not delve too much into personal issues on this blog, especially medical ones.  But there's something that's been bothering me for 4 weeks now with no real resolution in sight.

One Friday 4 weeks ago, I woke up with a strange stiffness in my elbow.  "Must've slept on it funny."  As the day progressed at work, it really started to tighten up and grow progressively painful.  Friday after work, it was swollen and warm. Great.

The subsequent Saturday morning 4 weeks ago, it was worse.  And of course it's a weekend.  So, being in the line of work that I am, some Cephalexin 500mg four times a day was started until a doctor's visit Monday.  I'm generally not one to cry wolf or even GO to the doctor unless I really need to, so the admission 2 days ahead of time that I need to go is significant.

After a weekend of Cephalexin and no real headway in swelling, pain, or heat reduction, the doc changed me over to Ciprofloxacin 500mg twice a day for 10 days along with a dreadfully painful Rocephin 1gm shot in the arse.  Ouch.

10 days later, just a subtle change in swelling and heat.  The only portion that completely disappeared was the radiating redness and warmth down my arm.  So, it was a jaunt over for an x-ray and a follow-up with the orthopedic office that worked on my knee (the 2nd time).  X-rays negative for bone issues (outside of some degeneration) and just show soft tissue swelling (duh!).  Antibiotic round 2 of EES 400mg (erythromycin) four times a day for 10 days.

Finished a 2nd round of 10-day therapy and granted the heat and the swelling have allllmost subsided, the level of pain has not diminished in the least.  I have full range of motion, but if I bang it or touch it in just the right way....a jolt of burning pain.

Follow-up appointment today results in the scheduling of an MRI early next week.  Thoughts of surgical procedures and INPATIENT hospitalization antibiotic therapy are bandied about.  Shit.  Not happy, and just a little bit scared and concerned.  4 weeks of elbow pain with no traumatic event to tie it to?  WTF????

Updates to come...

The State of Things

Chapel Hill's NPR station WUNC took a road trip west along I-40 to Greensboro for a remote broadcast today.  The 3rd floor of Triad Stage has a newly renovated radio studio, and this will be the home of the Greensboro bureau of WUNC.  To celebrate, the program invited the public to come on in and be involved as a live audience.  Being the huge nerd that I am, I went.

The hour-long program was divided up into 3 segments:

Greensboro Now and Then

Triad News Roundup

Feminist Theory and Music Conference

The program struck a chord with my inner nerd immediately from the outset as host Frank Stasio asked about the reason WHY Greensboro is named Greensboro.  Sweet!  A diatribe about one of my joys is coming right up.  The answer began with the irony of a "Quaker general", then quickly detoured into a statement about a city of dichotomies and complexities.  HEY WAIT A MINUTE!  TALK ABOUT NATHANAEL GREENE!!!  Sadly, with an hour just full of programming, there was no audience participation involved.  And with my dander up a mere 2 minutes into the show, it would have made for entertaining radio.

Another live NPR show under my belt.  Geeks unite!

Star Trek

Another free couple of hours, time to fill it in with another movie. This time, the sci-fi film Star Trek recapping the origins of the crew of the USS Enterprise.

The trailer:


OK, I'm much MUCH more of a Star Wars geek than a Trekkie, but I do know the story, I have seen the films, I'm a little weak on the original television show, and I'm worthless concerning TV shows after The New Generation or The Next Generation or whatever it was called. ("Number One, I order you to take a number two.") So I have an idea of what's going on. I have an idea as to Star Trek film history and storyline.

This movie throws it all to the curb.

A flashier Star Trek, with modern Star Wars-esque CGI space combat scenes to dizzy you. Young members of Starfleet meet and fly away on the maiden voyage of the Enterprise. But what surprises we have in store! I won't give anything away because the story is just SO new. But suffice to say time travel is involved, so occurrences that in no way could have happened with various planets CAN in fact happen now because we've managed to get on a different time arc.

Novel. Shiny and bombastic compared to the old model. I wonder how hardcore Trekkies liked this. it seems to take the Trek canon and box it upon its ears.

I enjoyed, aside from the constantly annoying light flares that blind you on the screen. What was the reasoning? Is an aura needed for each scene? When major characters are onscreen, is it a halo of some sort to signify cinematic deity? Odd.

ALMOST a Full Price for me. As high up the Matinee rating scale as I could muster it.

Night at the Museum: Battle of the Smithsonian

Hey look, another movie! Another instance to "tune out" and immerse oneself in a realm of fantasy and imagination. The latest Gordonian installment? Night at the Museum: Battle of the Smithsonian.

The trailer:


A fun fantasy. A fun movie. It helps to be a Washington, DC nerd and a Smithsonian "contributing member" to just imagine the possibilities that this film suggests (and to nitpick and say "Hey, it's quite a hike from Air & Space to the Lincoln Memorial, there's no WAY they could make it in time!"). Ben Stiller has been away from the New York Museum of Natural History and his previous job as night guard in favor of his newfound success as infomercial gadget inventor. His visits overnight to the artifacts have become sparse. In the meantime, new "high tech" interactive exhibits are ordered to replace the ones currently in house. So, the relics and artifacts are set to be shipped to Washington, DC and the "federal archives". Boxed up and stored away in the basement. The Egyptian tablet that causes the displays to come to life at night is stowed away by that rascally monkey from the first film and hilarity ensues in the bowels of all the Smithsonian's museums as exhibits come to life. The new kids on the block are under siege by a lesser Egyptian king bent on ruling the world. The "battle of the Smithsonian" begins and takes you on a fantasy trip that leaves a huge smile on your face. Besides, how can a film that showcases Darth Vader and Oscar the Grouch side-by-side onscreen as "evil-doers" go wrong?

Fun fun fun. Saw it actually late at night at, GASP! a 9:00pm showing and the extra cost was worth it. A fun ride. Full Price easy...my Owen Wilson man-crush notwithstanding.

Besides, Amelia Earhart has a sweet ass that deserves plenty of gawking.

Angels and Demons

Another in a recent set of "hey work is over so let's celebrate" movies hits the HofG: Angels and Demons. The Da Vinci Code was an enjoyable book (on tape) and the movie entertained as well. The book prequel yet movie sequel looks to entertain as well. Let's see if it does.

The trailer:


So we follow along in the footsteps of Harvard symbologist Robert Langdon on his trek to unravel another religious mystery. The pope is dead, the College of Cardinals are set to begin their conclave to elect a new one, however the mysterious underground society The Illuminati appear to have been quite busy in stealing a whopping amount of antimatter from the CERN particle accelerator in Switzerland, kidnapped 4 major cardinals, and have threatened to kill one of them each hour on the hour only to then expose the antimatter at midnight and destroy all of Vatican City and half of Rome. Whew, what an evening. I guess we better get Dr. Langdon in Cambridge, MA and get him on a Vatican jet to Italy and solve this caper in one day!

A film chock full of fantastical and outrageous scenarios. So very unrealistic it almost makes you cringe. This being said, it's a furious race against the clock and a race against the riddle to solve this case and save the Catholic church as we know it. Intrigue, mystery, murder, plotting. A busy day indeed.

Enjoyable. Entertaining. But I liked The Da Vinci Code better...even if the Angels and Demons hottie (Ayelet Zurer) was more, ahem, interesting than the one in the previous movie.

A Matinee, threatening to be a mere HBO score however...

I have a way to go in beard-dom...

My beard has only been in existence since President Obama's inauguration (it still feels so good to refer to him as that), so I have quite a ways to go to catch up in order to one day compete in Anchorage, AK.  Observe:

Wow.

Alaska hosts the battle of the beards

All Things Considered, May 23, 2009 ·

Beware the beards! Watch out for whiskers! Make way for moustaches! The World Beard and Moustache Championships are happening Saturday in Anchorage, Alaska. Fantastically furred competitors from all over the world will strut the stage, showing off their facial foliage.

And lest you think growing some fuzz is a simple thing, there are 18 categories being judged this week — from full natural beards to exotic creations like the Fu Manchu, the Alaskan Whaler and the Dali.

The German contingent has historically dominated the competition. Elmar Weisser of Brigachtal in southern Germany is the current champion in the full beard freestyle contest. He wowed the judges last time around flaunting a beard sprayed into the shape of London Bridge. But Beard Team USA (yes, there is an official Beard Team USA) took five first place trophies at the last championships, and the team is hoping to do better this time around.

Americans typically compete in the natural beard categories, says natural full beard titleholder Jack Passion. He's a San Francisco musician whose bushy ginger beard, which he calls "Big Red" reaches past his waist when he sits down. Passion has some strong words for the Germans and their spray-can wielding stylists.

"In the art world, we celebrate the painter, not the canvas-stretcher," he says. "And in this, we're celebrating this guy's beard that somebody else took three hours to do up. When I go to a beard competition, I want to be judged on my beard."

Terminator Salvation

My first "mobile" blog post in the 18-month existence of the HofG. Me and the MacBook Pro are sitting outside on the patio at Natty Greene's Pub & Brewing Co., sipping a new seasonal (the Summerfest Dortmunder Lager), and utilizing the free wi-fi downtown on S. Elm Street. Neato.

Took in a matinee today: Terminator Salvation. The trailer:

A surprisingly-rated PG-13 romp into the future to California in the year 2018.  John Connor leads the resistance movement against the machines.  My mind begins to get swimmy as I try to wrap my head around the timeline: he is to save Kyle Reece from the prisoner camps so that down the road he can send him back in time to protect his mother from a Terminator also sent back in time and also to make sure he is conceived.  Whew.  So teenage John Connor is the subject of a rescue, and an innovative invention from 2003 is involved.  A machine?....or something much more?

A breathy and moody Christian Bale portrays Connor.  A re-hash of memorable lines ("Come with me if you want to live." / "I'll be back.") occurs.  And a particular credit-less naked politician performs in a cameo role....except he's manufactured via CGI.

Meh.  An OK film.  The star here is Sam Worthington, the 2003 innovation.  Bale could have been anybody.

Good for the popcorn industry.  A solid Matinee and matinee only HofG score.

Beer Y'All

Drove the 2 1/2 hours out to Asheville on Thursday night for a documentary premiere: Beer Y'All.  Original working title was Drunken State, but a more "positive" outlook was preferred, so Beer Y'All won out.  The story of 7 friends spending 9 days traveling the state visiting gobs and gobs (27 actually) of NC brewers.  Fascinating.

The trailer:


Asheville Pizza and Brewing was the spot for the premiere. And a wonderful spot to do so. An old movie theater made into a brewpub and pizza parlor. The theater removed every other row of seats and installed long tables, so you can sit and watch a movie while drinking your pitchers of beer and pans of pizza pie. Outstanding.

Fun to see a lot of NC brewer elite, beer geeks, and just a general Asheville-ian liberal commune lovefest concerning all things beery.  A lot of fun.  Pizza was good, the Houdini ESP beer kicked the Shiva IPA's ass for whatever reason, and the blood levels reduced to a manageable state to drive home.  2:30am and I got home and it was time for bed.  Good thing I was able to switch Friday's work schedule 8-4 for a 2-10 instead.

Nice flick.  A little heavy on the rock band music portion and not a lot of brewer airtime, but with 27 breweries I'm sure that was a challenge.  I understand it was a "rock 'n roll" road trip, but the title was "Beer Y'All".  MORE BEER!

X-Men Origins: Wolverine

The backlog of HofG posts includes some more movies.  One that I was really looking forward to was X-Men Origins: Wolverine.  Any type of cinematic release that includes some of my favorite childhood comic books sits just right with me.  It could be the crappiest movie ever made, but if it included the topic of any number of Marvel Comics legends, my expendable income will go away with frightful speed.

The trailer:


The film gives the historic past of one of the X-Men's iconic figures. Beginning in "1845 - Northwest Territories"; which is interesting as the geographical spot known as the Northwest Territories were not named that until the 1870's or so, but I digress. The film diverges from the Marvel canon with some tweaks.  Little James Howlett, er, in the film James Logan, has fought side-by-side with his brother Victor in all matters warlike: U.S. Civil War, WWI, WWII, Vietnam...interesting since Logan was Canadian.  You see, Wolverine ages ever-so-slowly, however  the film doesn't delve into why this is so.  In any event, Logan becomes Canada's first superhero in the comics as "Weapon X", fusing the super-strong alloy adamantium to his skeleton.  The movie doesn't showcase him as a hero per se, but rather an experiment gone awry.  Wolverine's memory has been erased by various means depending on various sources; the film states it's an adamantium bullet to the brain that would result in such a scenario...far flung from the comics.

As a comic geek, some portions of the film rankled me.  "THAT'S not how it happened!" etc. etc. etc.  The relationship between Wolverine and brother Victor (Liev Schreiber as "Sabretooth") seems the story's focus, but in the end it appears I just didn't care.  I want details on, as the title suggests, the ORIGINS of Wolverine.  Not the bickering between brothers.  His history in the Canadian special forces, his memory wipe by Professor Xavier of the X-Men, his forced fusion of adamantium to his bones are never looked into.  Instead, the film strays from the true story in many ways.  Not to nitpick, but it ain't right.

For me? A Matinee score.  It didn't keep true to the origin story, and it just left me not caring for the character.  Disappointing, but I'd go see it again because I'm a mindless fanboy who would do such a thing in a heartbeat. 

And Marvel knows that.

Notorious

There is a wine bar in downtown Winston-Salem called 6th and Vine. In addition to a healthy wine menu, it had one of the region's earlier "better beer menus", but hasn't really kept up with the deluge of craft beer flooding our state. Years ago? A great beer menu. Today? Meh. But be that as it may, the point of the dinner here was in fact a movie. A movie? Yup. Dinner and a movie outside on their patio. Every Wednesday, a film. The theme for the month of May? Alfred Hitchcock. The most recent screening? Cary Grant, Ingrid Bergman, and Claude Rains in the 1946 film Notorious.

It's an oldie, and here on the HofG there's always a trailer (I do so love a good trailer), so I was surprised to dig up a proper trailer on the internets. Enjoy:



"A mad adventure fraught with bold intrigue!"

During the post-WWII German roundup, those with Nazi sympathies are tried for treason. One particularly voluptuous and, ahem, engaging woman's father suffers such a fate, and she is heavied into doing undercover work for the U.S. government down in Brazil. Get "on the inside" with German businessman Alex Sebastian and find out what the devil he is up to. Scientists, plots, mysterious keepings in the locked wine cellar and the quest for its key are all unearthed until....her cover is blown and she's suspected of being an American agent. Will she be eliminated? Will she be rescued? Whatever is to become of the Nazi's in Rio, and what of their plot?

Enjoyable. A Hitchcock film I wasn't all that well-versed in, and after seeing it, can declare it wasn't all that suspenseful nor intriguing for me. An easy Matinee rating for me though.

The Blonde, the Brunette, and the Vengeful Redhead

An ambitious Triad Stage performance. A one-woman performance. One woman, many wigs, many costume changes, many accent changes, many behavioral differences. Amazing she kept everything straight!

It was dubbed a "comedic thrill ride", but there weren't many laugh lines or humorous anecdotes. It was rather intense and dramatic and borderline dark. Not quiiiite so sure where the comedy lie, but that very declaration prompted discussion, which is always good with theater.

The synopsis:

Every action has a reaction.
One crime has many points of view. One moment of passion alters several lives forever. One gifted performer plays seven very different roles in this international hit. After Rhonda Russell’s husband leaves her, she suspects him of cheating. Overwhelmed with emotion, she takes matters into her own hands and everyone pays the price in this captivatingly brilliant and heartfelt play about loss and ultimate redemption.

A scorned wife takes her revenge, but on the correct woman? Lives entangled, stories intertwined, characters meeting in passing actually are part of the fabric of a larger story. Kudos to the actor Kate Goehring for her riveting and enthralling performance(s). It was a treat.

I love Triad Stage.

The Musical Planets

The final night in the 2008-09 Greensboro Symphony series occurred a little while back, and it was a dandy. Sometimes the performances are udnerwhelming, but not this particular evening. "The Musical Planets" was the theme. The lineup:

Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart
Symphony No. 41 in C major, K. 551, “Jupiter”
I. Allegro vivace
II. Andante cantabile
III. Menuetto: Allegretto
IV. Molto allegro

Gustav Holst
The Planets, Op. 32
I. Mars, the Bringer of War
II. Venus, the Bringer of Peace
III. Mercury, the Winged Messenger
IV. Jupiter, the Bringer of Jollity
V. Saturn, the Bringer of Old Age
VI. Uranus, the Magician
VII. Neptune, the Mystic

An audio-visual display during Holst's works. Pretty nifty. I'd always heard that John Williams (of Star Wars score composing) had ripped off Holst. Now the evidence is as plain as the nose on your face. Being a Star Wars nerd, it was diffifcult to listen and NOT envision Luke Skywalker and Darth Vader prancing about. Take a listen:


Still, a neato evening of culture. Fun!

Old news comin' right up!

I've been a sack and haven't updated the HofG for quite some time. Playing with the new MacBook Pro, working on a relationship fix, external requirements, and some occasional nagging bullshit have prevented me from continuing on with my routine. The next few posts may be old, and probably uninteresting to you, but in keeping with the recorded interwebs log of my experiences and adventures and hobbies, I plod on.

Enjoy.

I've been busy with a new language

Sorry there's been a lack of posts recently.  I have a Greensboro Symphony and a Triad Stage post to make, but I've been busy with other things.  More directly, I've been busy unlearning all my PC tricks in favor of...

That's right.  A 15" MacBook Pro laptop found itself a new home within The House of Gordon last Friday night and I've been busy tooling around with it and re-wiring my brain to run on a Mac.  I apologize for my lack of thrilling HofG news, but this damn thing is just super cool and you're just going to have to wait.

(Once every single CD I own is loaded into the iTunes (this memory is HUGE), I'll return to the exciting adventures of my life.)

Manny gets to sit at home and play Super Mario Bros. for a little while longer

Manny Ramirez was recently hit with a 50-game suspension in Major League Baseball for testing positive for an illegal performance enhancing substance. The word is that it was a female fertility drug.

HUH???? You may ask.

When steroid users "cycle", they will take other substances to help the body along. Sometimes, a female fertility drug is used to stimulate the body's natural testosterone production after a round of anabolics. I'm sure the presence of this female drug in no way, shape, or form is related to steroid use. Riiiiight.... Of course Manny didn't know what he was taking. It was all just an unfortunate accident.

One of the sweetest swings of all time (of all time!) is now tarnished.

Now I'm not saying anything, because hell I'M not the same size as I was in 1992, but he sure looks different from way back when:

Silversun Pickups

There are few "contemporary" bands that strike a chord with me. I often find myself revisiting that "warm comfy blanket" of established music. Occasionally however, this idiom is upended and overturned...yet sometimes it's for reasons that remind me of that comfy music blanket.

To wit: Silversun Pickups.

I find them to be a seemingly fluid meld of Pixies and Smashing Pumpkins. Heavy chords of the Pumpkins meeting the breathy harmonies of a female bass player a la Kim Deal and the Pixies. So it's new music, but it's music that reminds me of grungey comfort sounds. So is it all that "new" to me? Am I really breaking out and seeking "new" sounds? Perplexing. But whatever, I like it.

They have 3 major releases: Pikul (2005), Carnavas (2007), and Swoon (2009). Here are some tunes that highlight why I find them so mesmerizing:






Find them. Download them. Enjoy them.

I can't believe I missed the birthdays of one very dead and one very Welsh Python

Silly me. In my post of Michael Palin's birthday, I got to wondering about the dead one (Graham Chapman). Bloody hell, his birthday was way back in January. And then I got to thinking about one of the two Terrys (the squealy voiced Welsh one: Jones) and his damn birthday was in February.

I am an ass.

So, to continue on with the Monty Python birthday theme, I bring you, many months tardy, videos of Graham Chapman (January 8, 1941 - October 4, 1989), lovingly referred to as "the dead one"; and Terry Jones (born February 1, 1942).

So, here are some videos featuring both of them:

Happy birthday, Michael Palin!

Another member of my favorite comedy troupe (not yet dead) celebrates a birthday today. Michael Palin of Monty Python was born May 5, 1943. Ni!

Found some Greensboro Springsteen videos on the intertubes

The interwebs is a wonderful thing. Found some videos from last Saturday's Bruce Springsteen concert here in town. Here's a taste of what I saw:

Just a snippet of the opener, Badlands:


Another mere snippet, this time of the 2nd song, Radio Nowhere:


And a wicked cool surprise song of the night: Hang on Sloopy. If you concentrate and listen closely, I swear you can hear the faint cheer of O-H-I-O in the song. There were at least 5 people in my section waving our arm gestures around.


And finally, the song that literally drove me to tears. An inspiring singalong of Born to Run:


"Tramps like us, baby we were born to run."

Bruce Springsteen & the E Street Band

Saturday night was yet another concert, this one occurred locally as Bruce Springsteen & the E Street Band played just a smidge over 10 minutes from home at the Greensboro Coliseum. The ticket may say 7:30pm, but Bruce didn't hit the stage until about 8:15. But it was worth the wait: a full three hours of nonstop rocking and rolling. Three hours. No breaks. Holy crap Bruce has more energy than legally allowed. And doing it seemingly under the weather with some sort of cold. More than once he was caught on the video monitors snotting his nose clean onto the stage. Yuck. But you'd never tell he may have been sick from the the performance.

Here's the career-spanning setlist. A little bit for everybody:

May 2, 2009
Greensboro, North Carolina
Greensboro Coliseum

Badlands
Radio Nowhere
Outlaw Pete
No Surrender
Working On A Dream
Seeds
Johnny 99
The Ghost of Tom Joad
Raise Your Hand
Seventh Son
Hang On Sloopy
Growin' Up
I'm On Fire
Waiting On A Sunny Day
The Promised Land
Human Touch
Kingdom Of Days
Lonesome Day
The Rising
Born To Run
Cadillac Ranch

Hard Times
Thunder Road
10th Avenue Freeze-Out
Land Of Hope And Dreams
American Land
Glory Days

Hang on Sloopy? Really? Too cool. And there was a smattering of Buckeyes in the crowd forming O-H-I-O with their arms during it. It warmed my heart. Another oldie included, Johnny 99. Almost 30 years old but the lyrics could still eerily relate nowadays:



From the opening Badlands, to the closing Cadillac Ranch, to the final song Glory Days, it was a concert not soon forgotten. It's been a while since the power of a musical number has brought me to tears, but I tell you what, the awe-inspiring Born to Run did just that. The energy builds, the house lights come up slowly, fists pump high, and pretty soon the crowd is awash with light in the loudest singalong I've been apart of. Incredible. Seriously. Singing my head off with 20,000 of my closest friends and the tears just started rolling. Wow.

Two nights of AAA baseball: the Columbus Clippers @ the Durham Bulls

Thursday and Friday nights began my yearly excursions to NC minor league baseball parks to watch Cleveland's Little Indians play local teams. I always get such a kick out of seeing Lake County, formerly Buffalo but now Columbus, and Kinston come around for some ballgames. These past two nights saw the AAA Columbus Clippers come to Durham and play the Bulls. Thursday night was a 6-3 Clippers loss, but Friday they came roaring back and spanked the Bulls 14-1. In fact, outfielder Matt LaPorta, acquired in the CC Sabathia trade, was called up to Cleveland immediately after Friday night's game. Cool.

Minor league games are a LOT of fun, and NC has a boatload of teams to choose from. Tickets are insanely cheap, and it gets my fix on because hey, it's professional baseball! It's fun to follow the Indians minor league kids as they work their way up the ladder. It's interesting to see who makes it, which "can't miss" propsects do in fact "miss", and just experience baseball in what I think is a more "pure" form. Anyway, some photos. First from Thursday night and my $8 seats:

And then from Friday and my $10 seats, with some pretty cool postgame fireworks included!

My version of the Bacon Explosion phenomenon

About 3 months ago I posted about a New York Times "Dining & Wine" article about the Bacon Explosion. In a fit of some sort of a what-the-hell moment, I recently went "hog wild" and decided to make one up for myself. I would have posted this earlier, but some stuff came up that relegated bloggishness to the back burner. Anyway, it was greasy, it was messy, but in the end I think it turned out quite well. Don't think I'll make one up with any regularity, but once in a while this is a tasty winner.

Here's the play-by-play:

Spread out your bacon into a square weave. The Bacon Explosion folks used a 5x5 of thick cut bacon, but a 7x7 for me fit a cookie sheet perfectly:

Dust the weave with BBQ rub:

Spread out your sausage to uniform thickness. Delicious Bob Evans wins the day here:

In the meantime, fry up your leftover bacon:

Now here is where I stray from the true Bacon Explosion recipe. I add cheese and onions. And I figure something that's this BAD for you deserves a cheese that is equally bad for you. And by "cheese" I mean an assumed cheese-type product. Velveeta. I laid out sliced Velveeta and sliced onions on the sausage, then included crumbled bacon that was cooked in the pan.

Carefully roll up the sausage leaving the bacon on the cookie sheet. Pinch the seam and the ends shut to keep all the cheesy, oniony, cooked bacony goodness inside:

Now, starting with the sausage roll end, roll the entire project the opposite way so that the bacon encapsulates the sausage:

Ready for the grill:

Just in case this turned out to be crap, I threw on a pork loin as a piggy backup to munch on. In any event, sprinkle some BBQ rub on the roll and grill for about an hour per inch of diameter. Then with about 15-20 minutes to go, slather it with BBQ sauce. The sweeter sauces would compliment the salty bacon rather well. I can't imagine a snappy tart sauce doing well, but do whatever floats your boat:

3 and 1/2 hours later (on charcoal) and it's done!

Slice and serve. I used onion buns. This dish may lop a couple months off your life, but they're the ones at the end, and those aren't any fun anyway. Enjoy!

At least we're not Detroit.

Found a gem on the intertubes about a "hastily made Cleveland tourism video" and posted it here on April 23. Well, apparently that version didn't sit so well with the local "tourism board", so the fine gentlemen released a second video.

Hope you enjoy.